Imperfect

dear email alert

Inspired by Bobby's Dear Clara, Web Expert.

re: Dear User, You Have a New Report On ProtonšŸ“„

From: "Email Alert" <acpailthorpjewellers@live.co.uk>

To: Undisclosed Recipients

Subject: Dear User, You Have a New Report On ProtonšŸ“„

Proton Mail

Important: Mailbox Verification and Update Required. As part of our routine maintenance, please verify and update your mailbox by September 30th, 2025, to ensure uninterrupted service and access to our Enhanced Protection Programmer (EPP).

Verify Your Email to Stay Secure (phishing link)

We appreciate your cooperation in maintaining a secure account.

Thanks,

NOTE: Further messages might be prevented if any of the above actions are not performed.

Dear Email Alert,

Thank you for your message. I hope you are doing well. I see that it is after hours for you, around 17:30 UTC. I commend your keen attitude to your trade. The world never stops, and neither should scammers like yourself.

Regarding your points:

Proton Mail

Look, I'm fully aware of what official Proton Mail correspondence looks like. It uses proper branding within the email body to demonstrate its authority. It arrives from a sender named "Proton", not something as ambiguous as "Email Alert". A blue lock icon indicating an "End-to-end encrypted message" sits left of sender in email view. An Official badge sits right of sender in inbox and email views. It's addressed directly to my email address, not who knows how many Undisclosed Recipients. What Proton Mail messages don't arrive with are warning callouts with the following message, reserved for seemingly indiscriminate scammers like you: "Our system flagged this as suspicious. If it is not a phishing or scam email, mark as legitimate. Learn more"

Important: Mailbox Verification and Update Required.

As part of our routine maintenance, please verify and update your mailbox by September 30th, to ensure uninterrupted service and access to our Enhanced Protection Programmer (EPP)."

Verify Your Email to Stay Secure (phishing link)

We appreciate your cooperation in maintaining a secure account.

Legitimate email providers don't make the above asks, let alone use the above tone or diction. They handle account verification - whether recovery email verification, multi-factor verification, or otherwise - with much less gibberish (what on Earth is an "Enhanced Protection Programmer" anyway) and loaded language (strange appeals to security, convenience, and more). They handle service updates without requiring user intervention, sending official newsletters about those updates once ready. More fundamentally, due dates within their emails haven't passed before they sent them.

Your email was so lazy that I didn't even bother to hover over your link to verify its URL. Even if I clicked it, Proton Mail's link confirmation feature (enabled by default) would ask to confirm whether or not I trust it enough to open it in a new tab.

Thanks,

Even Rakesh was smart enough to include a name after signing off to Bobby.

NOTE: Further messages might be prevented if any of the above actions are not performed.

Avoiding obvious phishing links has zero impact on sending or receiving legitimate emails.

There's a first time for everything. That includes not only clicking the Report phishing button in Proton Mail, but also warning readers of my blog about emails like these.

In the future, please refrain from sending me emails. Iā€™ll be adding you to my blocklist.

Kindly piss off,

Imperfect

Want to reach out? Connect with me however you prefer: