Imperfect

ask to receive

In Why wont they hang out with me?, Mason cuts to the chase:

Really this is me complaining about how I want to ask them to do something with me but fear they will not want to for an unknown reason they themselves cannot even decipher.

Let me channel my inner Wayne Gretzky for a moment:

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Mason's fear that his friends will not want to ride bikes or hang out with him after school is the status quo. Asking for what he wants without being dependent on the outcome would prevent him from being crushed by fear. He can ride or hang out with friends that accept his invitation. He has options for how to coast over their reluctance or rejection: negotiation, making new friends, or brainstorming other ideas on how to have fun with or without them.

One can be quick to tip scales toward "bike rides" and "hanging out" compared to "watching Netflix" and "scrolling TikTok" within reason. That said, how does that comparison play out when it's abstracted to relationships and the myriad ways they can blossom? My friends have hobbies, pastimes, and other activities I have little to no interest in doing and vice versa. Yet, we still remain friends as a result of interest in each other's holistic well-being, common interests that we share, and even ways in which we differ from one another. You make the best of your friends because, like yourself and I, they aren't here forever.

However, people that we call friends aren't always as close, receptive, or trustworthy as we think they are. Sometimes, they ghost you, flake on you, or otherwise neglect your friendship. When conversation cannot solve the problem, other solutions can be in order: scouting out better-fitting friends, going on solo endeavors, or even looking in the mirror yourself.

Speaking of solutions, you can hype yourself up to get the company and camaraderie you deserve. Read how a-dot did so in Meet up!:

It's lonely here.

But today I decided I should do something about it, I texted few people I know who belongs to the same apartment. To my surprise, one person agreed to the idea and so we grabbed dinner together. The friend is my junior, we've only hung out once (that was last week; club obligations), so naturally we've barely talked to each other. Today, at the least I got to know a thing or two about my new friend.

Not bad.

That story reminded me of Liam's post on How to Start a Group Chat for Your NYC Apartment Building. Whether you fit that demographic or not, I suspect you can find something useful from his plan.

a-dot also reveals how opaque our impressions of others - even our friends - can be before getting to know them better:

Being more curious has helped me being less afraid to socialize. People are like a big question mark. You really don't know them until you actually talk to them (duh). So try asking them questions (but make sure to not push their buttons ofc), watch how they react, explore the possibilities of the conversation, listen, and respond.

Ask to receive not only mutual wants, but better friendships too.

Want to reach out? Connect with me however you prefer: